Ill With the Thrill of the Chase
I am not a dude, so that right there is probably the simplest explanation for what I’m about to go into a bunch of paragraphs about, but I do not get the appeal of feigning disinterest.
If I like someone, I hang out with them; if I don’t, I don’t. In recent weeks I’ve heard two male friends talk about relationships and nearly complain about the other person being “too available.” This makes absolutely no sense to me.
I get how awesome butterflies in the stomach are, I get how great sexual tension can be, and I get the thrill of the “do they or don’t they like me?” thing. Sure. However, how long is that supposed to go on? I guess that’s what I don’t get — and I am not just talking about dating here. If someone — friend or romantic interest — declines my invite two (maybe three, if I genuinely think the first two instances really were cases of them being busy or something) times, I’m done. I get it. Message received, loud and clear: You do not want to hang out with me. It’s cool; I’ll be polite the next time I see you out, but I get what’s up. To me, that isn’t flirty or cutesy — if I ask you to kick it and you say “no,” I take that at face value.
I do not know how to play any of those games, and I’m not saying that in a pseudo-feminist, “I’m a tough broad who is in-your-face and ain’t got time for your SHIT!” way, but in an “I wear my heart on my sleeve” way. If I like you, I will probably tell you outright. If I want to go on a date with you, I will probably just ask you, straight-up. And if I like you and you ask me to hang out, I’m probably going to say “yes” immediately. I mean, I’m not going to drop everything in my life and make sure my schedule is as free as Nelson Mandela just for you, but I’m not going to say “no” just to appear coy and mysterious, because I think that’s a waste of everyone’s time. Isn’t it?
A friend called recently and said, “Haven’t heard from you in a while, why did you stop calling?” Well, I explained to him, “You said ‘no’ the last three or four times I asked you to hang out, so I figured I should be getting the hint.” He — somewhat surprised — said, “What? I didn’t wan’t you to stop calling!” I suspect the next time I ask him a question, he’s going to enthusiastically say “yes” while simultaneously shaking his head “no,” giving me a thumbs-down, and then making a fart noise.
